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The Leadercast Podcast
The Leadercast Podcast

Episode 66 · 1 week ago

66: Overcoming Self-Doubt w/ Tunde Oyeneyin

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

In this episode Peloton cyclist, Nike athlete, and NY Times Bestselling author, Tunde Oyeneyin, talks about the biggest dragon she had to slay to get where she is today- self-doubt.

If you need a turnkey professional development and team building experience for your company or community, leader Cast Events is your answer. We provide the guidance, technology and entertaining SeeU accredited content for you to stream an in person or virtual event for your team. Welcome to the leader Cast Podcast, a weekly deep dive into the stories that transformed our guests into leaders worth following. I'm your host Joe Boyd. Today on the leader Cast Podcast, It's ten day Oi Inane. She's a friend of ours. She was a presenter at leader Cast Amplify. She's an author, peloton instructor extraordinary. You're gonna learn a lot today, including how to kind of find your calling, what you're supposed to do with your life. She's going to talk about overcoming obstacles like body image, and ultimately you're going to find out how we met at Target when I was buying dog food. You're not gonna want to miss that. Hid Hey, how are you? I'm good? Thank you so much for being with us. This is very exciting, so great to be here. Thank you so much for having me. Hey, you were amazing at our Amplified Women's event. Thank you so much for being a part of it. I've heard so many uh so many good stories of folks that were impacted by your story, and uh, you killed it. It was awesome. It was amazing to have you be part of the Leader Cast event that way. Thank you so much. It was great to be there. I Uh, I was on all the feelings for a week following the event. I you could feel the energy in the room that day, So it was great to be there. It's great to be back here now. Yeah. So you're at Peloton h Q right now? Is at the deal? I am at HQ. Yeah. I had a little bit of a power outage last night and so I rushed here to the studio this morning to make this happen. So we are we are being This is an agility at its best. So you are lots of things. Uh. You're a Peloton instructor obviously, and that is create a gateway for you to have influence in the world and an author now and a speaker. Um and uh we'll get to like before this is over, we'll get to someone what you're doing right now. But I would love to just kind of get time travel back in time, uh to young Tinday. Uh. Let's say when you were eight, nine, ten, eleven years old. Um, And what I like to find out first is sort of, um, what were those things that we're just brewing in your in your heart and soul as a young kid, and how those passions may have may have led you in a certain direction. Uh. I'd like to start, which is sort of a pop culture question if it relates to you, what was there like a story or a cartoon, or a narrative or a book series, any sort of like story that captivated you when you were younger that you remember is a little Mermaid count? Um? The first party of your question, like the eight nine, ten year old tune day like what did I see? What did I think? One of my first thoughts was I...

...said I wanted to be a teacher. I think I said that in kindergarten and my dad said, no, you don't, You'll be overworked and underpaid. And I still to this day side bless all the teachers coaches. Um. Um. I also said in third grade, I said that I wanted to write a book. I didn't know what story I would tell, but I knew that I wanted to write a book. As I got a little bit older, I knew that I wanted it to be somewhat of a memoir self help type book. Um. I think what's funny now is that you know again my first thought was, hey, I want to be a teacher one day. So I guess you know, if there was anyone that I idolized, it would have been my teachers growing up. Maybe not somebody on TV with people that I saw every single day. Um. And so I laugh now because I was in the cosmetic world. I was an educator for fifteen years. I traveled around the country training makeup artists on everything from their artistry skill to customer service skills. And so I now I train every single day by virtue of a bike in my book, And so ultimately I said I I said that I did what I said I wanted to do. I I did it. I was at a teacher, um, but through through a different lens. I think that innately we all know, we all have like that gut feeling of that that that thing that we know that we're supposed to do, and then the world steps in and the world tells us to be realistic. The people we love the most, often times in an attempt to protect us and do what's right. For us, Um, they shift us into a different narrative. I'm so grateful that I found my way back to my center. I'm so grateful that I found my way back to the course that I knew I was supposed to take. That's awesome, and you know, that's that's been such a thing. We just relaunched, and the folks we've been talking to, it feels like, uh, as a kid, we all kind of had an inkling of what we wanted, but exactly what you said. Sometimes it's it's folks telling us it's not realistic, and sometimes maybe we just have early failures and give up on it. You know. Um, it's almost like for those who pursue it, you end up receiving it, but in a totally different way than you would have ever expected. So like, if if Littleton Day can see you now riding the bike can do in your thing, I would assume she'd be a little surprised that that's the way it panned out. Probably right, Oh for sure, I had absolutely no idea that it would be by virtue of young Tunday was also not confident, overweight, low self esteem, and so the fitness world in general wouldn't have necessarily been something that I expected, especially not uh in this on this platform and on this stage. And so yeah, I didn't know that part of it I didn't know. But it was the desire to lead, It was the desire to motivate people. It was a desire to give people or rather to provide uh outlet for people to step into a better version...

...of them themselves. That's what I was attracted to. I knew that I was so inspired by my teachers because my teachers made me feel better. My teachers gave me something. Um, and that's what I was drawn to. I wanted to be able to do that. I didn't know. Again, I didn't know what what best I'd be doing it through. Well, before we jump forward a little bit, let's let's camp out on a little more made for just a second because you mentioned that was one of your favorite stories growing up, favorite movies. Yeah, you know, the fairy Tale, Little Mermaid, Cinderella, probably Beauty and the Beast was like somewhere in there just like the fairy Tale. Um. It's so funny because my teammate Robin Artisant always speaks to you know, be your own be you know these stories when you're growing up as a little girl, it's always the guy that saves the girl. And it's like ultimately became this story where the girl, Like I said to myself, Um, and so I think you know, I say that jokingly, but it's interesting to see how I kind of flipp the narrative on that as well as you shared the stage. It amplified with my friend Kay Cannon, who directed the Cinderella Movie for Netflix. Uh with a comedic bio and uh, she did that. She flipped the script and man, so people didn't like it, but it was really cool to see her go for it. And yeah, let's let's let the let's let the female lead save the male male lead for a chance. That's kind of fun. Um cool, Well, I would love to so. I I have a background actually as I have a weird background. But for a while I did im prop comedy with Second City and that led to acting an acting career. Uh you having never heard of me. That was to say, just in my acting career, but I did a lot of like small parts and little movies and sitcoms and commercials, and I have to tell you, like this is this is just such a unique thing. The makeup chair is this weird place where the whole commune unity on set comes together. Um, and I had many experiences where the makeup artist was the one person on set that knew exactly what everybody was feeling and thinking because you got to them. I don't know if you did any movie or that kind of stuff when you're doing makeup, but did Could you talk about that a second? I just think it's such an interesting career path that I know ultimately led you somewhere else. But what what did you learn in the Yeah? You know. But the thing about makeup is, I'll speak even specifically to like a woman, you're seeing her bear right like for all intensive purposes, you're seeing her naked. You're seeing her in this vulnerable space that maybe she doesn't necessarily show everyone. There was you know many women that I spoke to that they said their husband has any seene without makeup on. And so when you're in someone's space and you're up close touching their skin, there's it's it's it's there's like an intimacy or a vulnerability there, and so people oftentimes share It's like same kind of thing,...

...kind of thing when you go to your hair sat Barber Barber, UM, you're in a space where you feel safe to share. And so to your point of like, if you want to ever know what's going on on set, like the makeup artist knows exactly what's going on. I think that's so true. UM. In terms of like my role as a makeup artist, I got into makeup because I enjoyed gifting people with confidence. I loved making people feel better. I'll never forget one of my first clients once I moved to l A. She was a young girl, maybe sixteen years old, UM, and she was kind of growing chemotherapy, and so she had lost her hair and she had lost her eyebrow rows. And she said, today, I just want to know how to put my eyebrows and fake lac lashes on in the morning, UM, so that I can look and you know, quote normal. And I remember in that moment, I was like, this is why I'm in this space, this is what I'm supposed to be doing. And so I enjoyed being able to spend time with her, UM and give her resources then made her feel good. They gave her compidence, gifted gifted her with confidence. UM. And ultimately again it's still something that I do to this day. I clip in with people on a bike virtually, and thirty minutes, twenty minutes later, they hate me, but they feel better. You know, they hate me, but they feel better. Um, and so I'm still able to gift in that space. And now it's by virtue of my book speak and uh and my story. Yeah, the things in your life are pretty like you. You have a very good handle. I think, on, I don't know, maybe writing your book might have helped with that, but I feel like, um, you've kind of already worked out. Oh, I see how my life has kind of led me here, and how that those passions are still being used in different ways. Right. Yeah, if you ever want to figure out things about your life, show write a book. You you write a book and you are forced to unpack. And I say, ship, I don't know if I cuss on here, you can leap that out. But you're forced to unpack all the stuff, like all the things that you compartmentalized are the things that you put away. And you said, Okay, I felt that feeling. I'm done feeling that feeling. I don't want to feel that anymore. Let me put it in the door, and we lock it. When you write a book, you have to go find the key, dig the key up, and then you unlock the door. And then everything just comes rolling out because you're forced to remember or think about things that you haven't thought about so long. And then not only you're thinking about those things, you have to explore those things in a deep way. What was what was the temperature like that day? What was I wearing that day? When that person said that thing? How did it make me feel? Wow? When that person said that thing? Could they have possibly been coming from a point of view that I was not mature enough to a thought of. So you you sit and just you think. And so yeah, if you ever want to self explorer, discover write a book, I have to in fest. I...

I uh, I am not currently a Peloton member. You can maybe selling me during this podcast, but I uh so, I didn't know who you were and I was you know, we we booked these speakers for these events. It's it's actually quite competitive. A ton of people want to speak at Leader Cast and agents are pitching me all the time. I promise you. I was getting dog food at Target and I walked past the bookstore, the little book section at Target and you had an in cap and our theme was to find your voice helping win. And I saw speak and I was like, all right, universe, I'll look at this for a second. I read the first chapter of Standing There, Standing There at Target with my Porena dog chow and uh and it was I'm just so glad that that happened, because I wouldn't you know, I wouldn't have found you at least this year that without that. Um. But so on a very technical side, kudos to whoever did your photo food your cover and the title of your book really reflects you and it reflects your story. UM, so you know this is I got it. It's a weird opportunity. I have to try to fill those roles out and I'm so so glad. I need a dog feed that day. It all worked out. Oh my god, it all worked out. Have chills as you were saying that, Thank you so much. I mean, look, this is weird, but to even align it. My job, Caesar is an ambassador for puring hold on and your whole linking your ad that was the side. Yeah, that's awesome. Okay, So I do want to get into a little so we talk about we talked about everything on this podcast, and something that's close to my heart for years, which is like the hero's journey, and it's it's also the heroine's journey, right. This is when when when someone is in a normal world and normal worlds may not feel normal to everyone, but to that person, that world felt normal and and someone comes along and invites them to an adventure and they want to go, and they know they've always wanted it. They always wanted to be a teacher, they always wanted to write a book, They always want to encourage people, you know. But there's there's always gonna be a dragon that stands in the way. Um and when you is that kind of mythic language, but there's always gonna be some something that seems insurmountable to ever get to what they really want. And the hero usually gives uh or the mentor gives the hero sword or something to destroy that dragon with. That's in The Little Mermaid, It's in all the movies, but we won't get into the details. But what I would I know a little bit from what you said on stage with us, but um, what what do you feel like? Was the biggest sort of dragon that you had to overcome to get to where you are today? What what? What did you have to slay? Myself? Yeah, myself? My UM. I don't know if I'd say it was limited way of thinking, imposter syndrome, me standing in my own way, UM, my own doubt, my own fear, my own hesitation. UM. I think that whenever we are able to put is to ourselves,...

...the voices in our head. I think, the voices in our head, they have so much power because they stay in our head. And so those thoughts just keep circling on repeat, over and over. And every time that that thought makes its way around again, its strengthen and it gets stronger, and it gets stronger, and it's gets stronger. It's not until we flushed that thought out that we're able to actually move aside it or step away from it. Um. And so for me, it was me telling myself. I wasn't worthy me tell I mean, I think about even I can tell you the story. You know when I first had I received this call to be a cycling instructor. So I mentioned that I was a makeup artist. For fifteen years. I was traveling around the world doing makeup. It was my dream job. I drove my dream car, and I lived in my dream neighborhood. On paper, my job was great. On paper, my life was great, and I hated it. I hated it. I hated my job. I hated where I was at in my life. And I always say that I had the audacity to admit that to myself. And I say I had the audacity because here I was. Everything I asked for was there. It was all there, and here I was saying I don't like this, I don't want this. I felt ungrateful. I mean, how many times are we in a job and we find ourselves in this job that we are not happy, and we find ourselves in this job that doesn't serve us. I at this moment where I stopped and said, do I actually want to be here? Do I actually want this job? Or do I just like winning? Do I just like that? I had this job and I had this title, and I have these things. And I didn't like the job and I didn't care about the title anymore. I didn't want that anymore either, And so I was in this space of uncertainty. I didn't know what I was supposed to do next with my life. So I go to New York and l A at the time. I go to New York Um for a makeup gig, and I go to the gym in the hotel, and the hotel gym was like terrible. There's like a whole hoo bit of broken treadmill. No workout is going to be had at their nothing of service. So I say, you know what, Kelly RiPP has been talking about cycling classes. I've never actually tried it, but she makes it seem like a nightclub. Let me go, and I'm in New York and they have this studio there. I'll try it forty dollars later, and judging myself, water bottletels, shoes, forty dollars for forty five minute work? How are you kidding me? Who does this? Once I got a past the initial state of shock, I'm sitting on the bike. Three minutes into the class, I'm in the state of euphoria. I leave the class. Forty five minutes later, I'm walking back to my hotel. My hotel turns into a skit. My skip turns into a hop and I'm laughing and crying in one breath. And I'm laughing and crying in one breath because within a matter of five seconds, It's like this wave of blue energy moves through my body. It started in my fingertips at move gets way down to my toes and...

...it's like this blue light flashes over my body. And within a matter of five seconds, I know that I'm going to be cycling for the rest of my life. This is after my first class. I know that I'm gonna be cycling for the rest of my life. I know that I'm going to be teaching. And without even knowing what peloton was and never heard the thing, I knew that I was going to be on the world's biggest platform, and I was going to be able to impact the lives of tens of thousands of people by the virtue of a bike. I was certain. It was so clear, and so I laughed and I cried because I knew that what I saw was was real and it was right, and it was clear. I was positive, and so I say this whole You know, I was in my own way because this moment happens, this divine download where I'm certain about something happens and then I know that feeling to be real. I get back to l A on five or eight months pass, I tell my frien I told two of my friends about this experience that I have. E said, you need to subscrate, go get your certification, become a cycling instructor. I think five months my friend maxim on two day, are you gonna go get your certification too? You're gonna get your certification. Finally, five months later, I go get my certification. My certification sits. I get the certification, it sits on a dresser for eight months, collecting dust. Because that time, I was telling myself, even though I had had this divine downloaded, seen something so clearly, I told myself, you don't move like, walk like talk like an instructor. You're not good enough, You're not fit enough, you have no experience, you have no competency in this your makeup artist, this is what you do. It wasn't until I stopped believing that lie. You don't sound like look like nobody motivated by you. Wasn't until I stopped believing that lie. Um that I auditioned at a mom pop shop. Uh, and that experience would change my life. That experience changed my life. That's a powerful story, Tended, thank you so much for sharing it, and and it's it has to resonate as true to so many people. There's you know, there's there's part of every great story where we we get a call to adventure to who are really meant to be? And we we always deny the call. It's too scary and it's just part of the sty It's like in our human DNA to do that until someone calls us out, or we call ourselves out, I guess. But empower yourself and your team to tackle some of the most difficult leadership challenges and grow professionally with leader cast now. The leader cast now app and online platform provide you access to more than one thou video lessons to help you navigate issues like change management, remote working guidelines, emotional intelligence, workplace conflict negotiating, and more. Visit leader cast now dot com for more info. Was Max was Max...

...kind of a mentor to you back then? Was he the one that ultimately kind of woke you up and said? I would say, Max's Max is and was and is a really good friend. He's like my brother friend. UM, I would say my mentor in that we had a couple of mentors in that space. Um. One of them was, uh, someone who would become my teammate in that moment. And and somebody who later became an instructor with me, and name was Latasha. I would say, another person, her name is medi Ben's she was. She gave me my first job at a cycling studio. UM. I remember after my audition, her husband was there, and her husband comes up to me and I'm not supposed to know I, you know, have the job. They're supposed to sistards And they called me a week later that Mona. But he comes and he whispers to me after my audition, and he said, she's going to have so much fun training you. And I remember, in hindsight looking back and even just in conversations I've had with her, she saw something in me that I didn't see in myself. She saw my sparkle. She after after my audition. Um, she saw in me something that I didn't see in myself. I mean, she in many ways made me the face of her brand, believed in me so much for two hours and hours and hours into training me, correcting things. Don't say this, do say that, don't do this, do do that. UM, pull this part of your personally personality forward. Uh. Somebody having a belief in me and take a chance on me. In many ways, you make this new girl a focus of your company. And so in many ways she believed in me and she took a chance on me. So great, I would say, just from a little time we spent together and watching you, like it feels like your confidence in your charisma or charm or likability, like it's all it's all just projects immediately, and it's it's so fun to think that there was an actual person pulling that out of you that you weren't, you know what I mean, Like that she saw that in you, and she saw, Um. I know, the older I get, like the I had lots of dreams in my twenties, I got a few of them, not all of them, you know what I mean. But the older I get, the more sort of fulfilling it is almost to call other people to that. And I know you do that every day as you and I always say, be the lights um that sparks the flame in someone else. It's like if you think of as always like you have one match, there's much and then you light one candle, and then you light one candle, and you can light many candles, many wicks right from that same flame and It's like, if your light is shining, why would you not share that with someone else? It doesn't deplete you. Um, your light still burns. And I tried to practice that as often as I can, um um in this space that I'm occupying now,...

...uh, not just as a woman, but also as a black woman in the wellness space. Um, we're primarily the seat hasn't been occupied by me. And so to be able to um bring other people into this experience that I'm having and this moment that I'm having, um, it's so it's so rewarding. Let's talk about that for a little bit while we kind of round things out. But the so, now you're in a position of influence now on several levels, right and um, and I know you you talk at at amplified our events some of how uh you went through the Black Lives Matter movement and that kind of woke your voice up a bit. Um and uh, you can talk about that if you want, But what I guess I'm most interested in is how are you currently dealing with sort of the amazing opportunity and sort of I don't know if it's pressure or responsible responsibility. Yeah, yeah, with great great power kinds of great responsibility to quote our friend Spider Man's uncle or whoever said that. But so now you know, ten years ago you didn't wake up in the morning and tens of thousands of people cared about what you thought. So how does that feel day to day? What how are you doing that? I mean, if I wake up and think about it like that every day, it's a lot of pressure. But ultimately I just I try to lead with my heart. UM. I try to make decisions from my gut, and I tell myself that if what I'm doing or saying, if it's on the back of love, then it can't be wrong. Um. When I'm trying to make a decision, trying to decide what's the better play here, if you will, I played the love card. If what I'm doing or saying, if I can't decide what's choice to make? Which one is carried on love, which one is driven by love? Which was driven by ego? Um, it doesn't mean that the two actually can intersect. But I try to to lead there and then if I'm if it's on the back of love, it can't be wrong. Even if it is wrong, it can't be wrong because really it's right. Um. And and so I live that way. Yeah. I I try to give myself grace. I'm a real being in a human person. You speak up about one thing, and then if you don't speak about about the next thing, that everybody's like, why aren't you saying anything about this thing? And it's like, because I'm a human being person, and sometimes not speaking up about what you're not equipped to talk about is power in its own I think oftentimes because people have a microphone, they use it and they say things, and in saying things, they're misinformed or they don't have the right information, and then they're then sharing misinformation. Um and so sometimes as a leader, I think your job is to sit back and listen and observe and be the one to ask questions, UM and so yeah, so to finally answer your...

...questions. I I try to allow my sulf grace to know that I'm a human being and to what you kind of just alluded to, you know, uh, peloton, I let this ride that was called um to speak up right. Two people took that class live when it happened. I think almost half a million of people have taken it now. It was right after the murder of George Floyd, do you remember where we were? The space you were in this country was in um hopeful and hopeless. We were hopeful and hopeless in the same brad Um and I let this ride. I had no idea of what it was going to be, or what it was going to turn into, or how people would receive it. I just knew that what I was saying was carry on the back of love. So even if I said the wrong thing, it couldn't be wrong, because ultimately it was right. I had so many people reached out to me after that ride, specifically um, white men who said many who said, to day, I did not take that class. Um. My wife made me watch that class though. And I found the term black lives matter offensive, incredibly offensive, And now, um, I get it. I see you black lives matter. I had white women who posted on their pages, many many white women who DMed me. But I think it was even louder was people who posted on their page for the public to see, and they said, Tunday, I've never taken your class before. I've taken over two hundred classes. I scrolled past your face every single day, have never stopped to take a class with you because we look different, and because we look different, I didn't think we'd have anything in common. And I compliment that those women because I know that the vulnerability it takes to say that publicly, because people can then comment right come after you if you will, I said other quotes. Um, So I complimented, and I applauded those women. And I also said, if you wouldn't invest twenty minutes in me in a cycling class, cycling class simply because we look different, and then we thought we might have anything in common. If you are in the position of hiring company, would you hire somebody that look like me? Would you give them an opportunity knowing that they might be there for two years or say twenty years. And so I asked them to recognize that type of bias, um, because it's real and it exists. And until you have that own, that conversation with yourself, until you have that conversation with yourself, we stay in the cycle. The cycle doesn't change. I think that perhaps we were all chosen to be in this moment collectively together, like this world. But we just went through some of the most to story two and half years that ever, and we're still feeling the aftershock. Of it and we went through it together. Yeah, what...

...if we all went through it together, um, intentionally to be the makers of great change together. That's really powerful stuff. It just is Thank you so much for sharing it with our with our folks, and hopeful and hopeless made. I definitely felt that way George Floyd time, and on a even broader I guess I feel that way a lot now overall, you know, talking to on the hopeless days. When I get to talk to folks like you, the hopeful meter starts to go up and take over the hopelessness. So um, such a thing. Hey. We we conclude with just a couple real quick questions and then I'll let you tell folks how they can get in touch with you if they want to. So I make them up as we go based on what we talked about, but a serious, a serious one, and a fun one. So we started with the serious one. What's your advice around what's the first thing you would have someone do if they are struggling with their body image? Mm? Hm, write it down, Write it down, Write it down, yeah, write it down. Journal here your voice. I think that sometimes it's so powerful too. Even a week later, look back at the space that you're in, because you won't be in that space forever um. And your words have so much power, and sometimes it's good to just look back at the space. Also writing it down. For me, writing is meditation, and so as I'm writing, I'm sometimes forming a plan um and so just getting it out, speaking it out, I think it's the first step. Get it out. If you get it out, get the feeling out, that's awesome, that's perfect. There's there's a book by Julia Cameron called The Artist Way. It's like thirty years old, and it's exactly based on that kind of how journaling gets gets it out so then you can deal with it and perfect answer. Okay, now the silly one. So, uh Disney calls and they're they're going to hire you to do uh cycling class just for the Disney princesses at Disney to all the princesses. Uh, maybe a prince or two. And what are the first two or three songs you play in your cycling cap I knew you're going to go there. Um, Beyonce would be there. Um, this is very challenging. Miss Elliot would probably be there. I love the red hot chili peppers. I love. This question is too challenging. After the series one, those are easier. I don't know. I love music and my uh, my taste of music is wildly eclectic. And so I will literally play Drake and then I'll play Red Hot Chili Peppers and then I'll play eminem like it's everywhere. Um, I cannot answer this question. Okay, gen X, I can apply the red Hot Chili peppers. That's great. Okay, this is how can people get in touch with you? Get your book? What's what's best way to get to get get to get to get...

...to you. Yeah, so my book speak find your voice, trust your gut, get from where you are to where you want to be, is available wherever you find books, as well as the audio but was filmed as well. And then you can find me. I'm mostly like I don't know if I'm a terrible millennial. I'm mostly on Instagram. Uh, you can find me at tune number two two day to to two day awesome. I know you gotta go to a class. So thank you so much. This was awesome. We'll talk to you again soon. Thank you so much. Thanks for having me Joe with everybody. Thank you. Bye. Leadership is a team sport, but team sports are hard. That's why our team is so passionate about helping companies and communities develop leaders and teams that trust each other to do the hard work together. One of the easiest ways to develop your teams and leaders, it's a stream a half day or full day leader Cast event for your workplace or community, world class content that is thought provoking and activating. Visit us at leadercast dot com to find out more.

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